Just Enough Light by Nancy HamlinI am a planner. I like to know what I am doing today, every hour, and then tomorrow, every hour, and then next week, next month, and then the next month. Knowing what is going to happen in my life makes me feel calm, in control, centered, and okay.
When my mother died, I was 34, my daughter Julia was just 18 months old. I had been married for 9 years. I was an ADULT. But the feeling of control left my life. I felt like I had just been pushed off a very high cliff. Even though my mother had been sick with emphysema for over 7 years, her death shocked me. It rocked me. It just took the foundation out from under me. I had no clue what was happening to me. I really did not know how I was going to go on living without her in my life.
I had no joy. I had no happiness – even for my daughter. I had no sense of hope for feeling joy again. I was terrified that I had entered a new realm of living where I would never again truly feel like living. I call this the “black and white” period of my life. Everything felt like it was in black and white, and the color had left my life forever.
A wonderful book I have encountered in my journey is called “Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On” by Stormie OMartian. Her premise is that God gives us just enough….food, energy, knowledge, comfort, care, and LIGHT for our path, for where we are TODAY. God does not give us the big huge camp flashlight that allows us to see into the future, or what is down the road, or years from now. No. God gives us his grace, mercy, and love in a portion that gets us thru TODAY. He gives us enough for where we are right now, this very minute.
If we step back, that actually sounds wonderful and sufficient. But we are not creatures of the “now”. We are creatures of the “what is going to happen next”. God never promises to reveal His plans for us further down the road. Rather, he reveals to us what we can handle right now.
“So don’t worry about seeing or understanding what the future holds. God wants you to trust him as he leads you, even though you can’t see clearly ahead. And don’t be overly concerned about fully comprehending the past. Only he knows the whole truth about it anyways. You have HIM now. HE is your light and that is all that matters.”
“Just Enough Light”
Sometimes only the step I’m on,Or the very next one ahead,
Is all that is illuminated for me.
God gives just the amount of light I need
For the exact moment I need it.
At those times I walk in surrender to faith,
Unable to see the future
And not fully comprehending the past.
And because it is God who has given me
What light I have,
I know I must reject the fear and
Doubts that threaten to overtake me.
I must determine to be content where
I am, and allow God to get me where I
Need to go.
I walk forward,
One step at a time,
Fully trusting that
The light God sheds
Is absolutely sufficient.
Quote and poem from “Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On”, page 25, by Stormie OMartian