Welcome to My Club by Nancy Hamlin
I
spend most of my time making decisions about things I control. Everything from what I want to buy at the
grocery store, to what I want to wear today, to when I am going to get a new
car, to who I am going out to dinner with tonight, to who I feel like talking
to, to who I want to email…..you get the picture. Most of us spend our time
making our own decisions about our own lives, sometimes consulting with others,
often not.
When
death comes rushing into our lives, it is like a tidal wave washing over
us. All of a sudden we are furiously
treading water, swimming, trying to get our head above the waves just to catch
our breath. My problem with this image is that I didn’t get to choose to jump
into the water. I didn’t ask to have a tidal wave wash over my life. I am
spending all of my energy, all of my survival skills on something that I never,
ever wanted in my life. What is going
on? I do not want to be here. I do not want to improve my swimming skills or my
treading water skills. I want to be on dry land.
Once
I experienced a major death in my life, I became a very unwillingly member of
the “survivor of a death” club. I did
not choose to be a part of this club. I do not want to be part of this
club. Again, I keep coming back to
having no choice in the matter. But here
I am and I have to live in this. I need
to try and figure out what being in this club means.
While
being in this club has many things about it I do not like, I have to admit it
has totally changed my attitude towards life and death, and providing comfort
and care to others going thru this similar journey. Before my mother died, I had no idea what it
felt like to lose someone I loved; to experience the depth of the pain, and the
incredible heaviness of the feelings. I didn’t know the length of time it took
to get on dry land again. Now I “get” it. Before, I didn’t.
Now,
because I “get” what it is like to experience a death, I can be a completely
different type of support system for my family and friends. Being “in the club”
allows me to offer empathy, love, care, appropriate support, and words and
actions that were totally foreign to me before joining the club. I didn’t know
how to treat someone walking through a death before I walked through my own
experience.
Am
I a better friend? YES. Am I am a better
boss? YES. Am I a better family member? YES.
And
maybe that makes being in this club not so bad sometimes. I try to remember
this when I can reach out and truly comfort someone who trusts my care…because
I have been there; when I can talk and just listen, and not fix someone who is
hurting…because I have been there; when I can hug someone without being asked…because
I have been there; when I can just be there… because I have been there.
All
praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father
and the source of all comfort. He
comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are
troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the
more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with
troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are
comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the
same things we suffer. We are
confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the
comfort God gives us. 2
Corinthians 1:3-7 (NLT)
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