Endings...and Beginnings By Nancy Hamlin
Senior Pastor Wayne Alguire, of Trinity Baptist Church in
Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada, teaches on the topic of “Endings and
Beginnings.” He says, embracing the endings and beginnings of the grieving
process is not only about acknowledging our loved one is gone. It is also a process that allows us to KEEP
our relationship with our loved one in our lives in new and different ways.
Alguire contends that our relationship with our loved one
does not end when they die, it changes and needs to develop into something new
- and we are a big part of creating the new dynamic. Finding healing and hope
in our lives is about recognizing the changing nature of our relationship with
our loved one, NOT severing the ties. The relationship never goes away…
“It has to end to begin.” Sia Furler, songwriter, from the song, “Numb”.
“It has to end to begin.” Sia Furler, songwriter, from the song, “Numb”.
In order to begin the new relationship with our loved one,
we need to draw a line in our history and acknowledge our loved one is
physically gone forever. This “drawing a
line” activity allows us to truly declare the old relationship is over, is done,
and will never be the same again. As
part of “drawing a line”, we need to recognize and acknowledge what IS gone and
lost from our relationship. Physical closeness, hugs, and conversations, sound,
smells, and touch are some of the things truly lost to us through death.
Our next step in creating this new relationship is
recognizing and articulating the things about our loved one “we can take with
us” into the new dynamic. Photos,
letters, emails, mementos, rituals, clothes, books, household belongings,
recordings, music, and movies are just a few of the things that can come over
the line with us and ground our new relationship. They are real, tangible, and
give us a foundation on which to begin again.
Finally, we can move to a place where we become “the author
of our loved one’s life” as teacher Sibyl Towner shares in her grief teaching.
We share the memories, the stories, the recipes, the conversations, the wisdom,
and ultimately the love of our loved with the world at large. Our ties are not severed but changed into a
new relationship of honor, love, respect, and admiration as we continue in relationship
with our loved one in new and different ways while we are still here on
earth.
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If you are viewing this through the RSS email feed, please know you can find additional information such as the Weekly Question, Bible Verse and Song Posts at our home site of www.griefslinky.blogspot.com
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