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After each loss I have been through, one of my first thoughts has been, “This was not in my plan. I never expected this person to die. What am I going to do now? This is totally unexpected.” This includes my mother’s death from emphysema after a 7 year battle with the disease and watching her slow decline. Her death should not have been unexpected OR unplanned…. But to me it was! My father’s death in 2010 was as sudden as a phone call in the conference room at work, “I’m so sorry, but your father just died.” Then I got the email one morning that said, “My father committed suicide last night. I will let you know more later.” It was from my childhood friend from the 2nd grade. I don’t want death in my life. How did this happen? This was not part of MY plan, this death stuff.
We were not created to die, (we were created in God’s own image – eternal!) so yes, don’t be surprised if you wonder why this event is happening in your life. Death is not part of our life strategy or part of our overall life plan is it? It tends to lurk in the shadows as one of those possibilities that only happens to other people, or to really old people. So why would I need to make death part of my plan? It’s NOT going to happen to me. Really!!
We now sit in the middle of this unfamiliar and unreal space wondering what to do with this new life? We think; I don’t want this new life. I don’t want to live a life without my loved one. I don’t want to live a life I have NOT planned for, a life I have not chosen. I did not choose the place where I am now living. I did not choose to be a widow, a widower. I did not choose to be fatherless, motherless, parentless, or without my beloved child. I did not choose to be without my partner, my brother, my sister, my grandmother, my grandfather, my very best friend. I am somewhere right now I never chose to be – nothing is left of my old life. I am empty. I feel like I have nothing left……..where am I going?
In Proverbs 3:5-8, it states, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” (NIV)
As we journey down the path we did not choose, we can trust that God knows the way before us. We can trust that God knows what’s around the corner on this foreign path, and is leading us into a future that looks different than our path today. It is a path which holds glimmers of brightness, color, and light. There will be sunlight, and yes, even warmth. Let us trust His promises. Meet you on the path He has promised in His Word.
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