Holidays I - Further Along the Journey

Holidays and Beyond by Kurt Olson

Holidays are always special because it is on those days when we typically go above and beyond showing the normal, everyday appreciation to those we love.   But now, one or more of those held so dear to us have died and it feels like the magic of the holiday has metaphorically ‘left the building’ without them.   Can you really be thankful on Thanksgiving?  Is there really a merry in Merry Christmas?  You wonder if any of this is remotely possible without your loved one. 

It may come as a surprise but your holidays will need to heal from your loss too.  The meaning of the holidays hasn’t changed, but the way you celebrate them probably needs to shift or might even need major reconstruction.  For me, it became a time to remember my late wife’s generous heart.  I tip my head to her generosity but donating a goat to a needy family through Compassion International.  Another smaller thing I do throughout the year that changes my thoughts, honors her memory and helps me heal is what I call my “Do Good” column in my yearly budget.  I made the decision to set aside 1% of my earnings to do some good for others. Some call it “random acts of kindness” but I prefer thinking of it as my divine appointments from God and His generosity.  It’s those times when a friend or a complete stranger is brought my way with a need. Do I give to everyone who comes my way?  No, but I do find myself freed up to help someone out if I have the money set aside.

The reason I do these acts is to help out others with a bigger need than I have for that money. But it also does something in my heart. I was recently in a restaurant where a woman had her hands full with her kids. Most of the restaurant was giving her dirty looks. I could see the tension on her face trying to feed her kids and calming them down. I asked the waitress for her check and paid for it. Then I asked the waitress to hand her a note after I left that simply said, “Congratulations you been chosen to receive a free lunch from a complete stranger. Have a great day!  You look like you’re an awesome mom. Great job!”  I do not remember anything else I did that day, but I remember that woman.

Do you have any room in your life for random acts of kindness? Your assignment this week is to find just one person to whom you can show a little bit of kindness and take action.   And remember, do so with humility and without any possibility of repayment.

Scripture tells us in 1 John 4:19 “We love because He first loved us.”  (NRSV)  Pass it on.

 This is the first in our series of three Holiday posts so stay tuned.  If you are viewing this through the email feed, please know you can find additional support and encouragement at our home site of www.griefslinky.blogspot.com  

Thanksgiving & Christmas Ahead - Further Along the Journey

Handling the Holidays after a Loss by Nancy Hamlin

My mother died on July 1, 1993, so we went into my daughter’s birthday, (November 25^th), Thanksgiving, and Christmas thinking we had grieved.  When I look back on this time, I want to laugh at how totally crazy were we in thinking that we had even begun to understand what my mother’s death meant for our family.

I went “over the top” for my daughter’s birthday, making this elaborate Teddy Bear cake from a mold, and I think it took me 6 hours to put the star frosting on, star by star.  Julia had far too many presents for a 2-year-old, one present after another.  She couldn’t even comprehend all of the unnecessary bounty.

I was frantic.  I didn’t stop moving.  I made Thanksgiving dinner and then proceeded to buy  tons of Christmas presents.    On Christmas day, my husband, daughter, father, and brother kept opening presents until we were exhausted. I remember us sitting in my parent’s living room after opening the presents.  We were all very quiet, just looking at each other, and I remember feeling…terrible, just terrible. What was wrong? What did I miss? What didn’t I do right? Why did I feel so incredibly sad?

The answer is that I had not planned on anything feeling different. I had not planned on what it was going to feel like to NOT have my mother at my daughter’s 2^nd birthday, or at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.  I so wish I had. I so wish we had. We caused ourselves unnecessary additional pain because we were all pretending that we could just “go on” without her and not feel this amazing void, this huge hole in our lives. Oh my. It was so sad…

Lesson learned – DO NOT go into your holiday season and pretend that nothing has happened, that you can just do everything the same as before and it will “all work out.” IT WON’T.  Be wiser. Be healthier. Plan. Do something different.  Realize that the whole world has changed and don’t fight it.  Embrace it.  It’s your chance to make some decisions that make you feel comforted, loved, and cared for. You can do this….you can handle the holidays and grieve and love and rest in God’s care.  The best way to honor your loved one is to not just survive, but to THRIVE. 

If you are viewing this through the email feed, please know you can find additional support and encouragement at our home site of www.griefslinky.blogspot.com

The Next Day - Handling the Holidays

Now is the time to think about the holidays coming up in the next several weeks.  Thanksgiving with Hanukkah, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve and Day are approaching with their own set of past memories,  rituals, and traditions.  Don’t let this time of year scare you or force you to do things that are not healthy and honoring to you and your journey.  Spend the next few days thinking about how YOU would like to honor these days and holidays this year.

WHO would you like to spend time with? WHERE would you like to spend time? WHAT would YOU like to do?  Don’t let this holiday season sneak up on you and overwhelm you. Think about what you need and don’t be afraid to be slightly selfish for a change.  Take care of yourself this year.  There will be other years where you can “go with the flow”, where you will be in a better position to compromise with your family.  But this year, take care of YOU.  Your heart, your soul, and your loved one’s memory will be better served.

“The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, my adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, in spite of this I shall be confident.”  Psalm 27:1-3(NASB)

If you are viewing this through the email feed, please know you can find additional support and encouragement at our home site of www.griefslinky.blogspot.com